Just One Minute
Balanced Fare: We Report, You Deride

Sunday, June 16, 2002

Mickey Needs Help

Mickey Kaus has a post up about his problem with the name "Homeland Security", and it has got me nodding in agreement like a bobblehead doll. He is right, "Homeland Security" sounds like something from "1984". And yes, "1984" references seem so "1999". But this is not my writing problem we are talking about, it is the nation's: what shall we name the artists currently known as "Homeland Security"?

Let's review the suggestions from Mickey's column:

Reader-nominated names to replace "Homeland Security" (to date): Department of Domestic Security, Department of Domestic Defense ("3-D"), Continental Security, Mainland Defense, Mainland Security, Home Defense, Federal Security, Heartland Defense, Department of American Protection, Homefront Security, Interior Security, Civil Security, Civilian Security or plain old Department of Security. ...

And Mickey likes "Home Defense" and "Civilian Security", which he highlights in a cool red because he has a great technical support staff, he doesn't have knuckleheads working for him like I do, I mean, I work for myself here, lawyer with himself as a client, me with my "blogger" handbook....

Back to helping Mickey. Let's see, I'll send him a friendly e-mail, I can mark it up before I post it to my blog:

Dear Mickey;
You are right, of course, about "Homeland Security" but I think the problem is the word "Security"; hard to escape Orwellian overtones. [Avoid cliches]

As to your faves, "Home Defense" is not quite right for apartment dwellers or the homeless, I mean, gee, I thought you were a lefty. Also, it is the phrase of choice in gun, uhh, advocate magazines, and I know this from my brother in law. Bury it.

"Civilian Security" has the aforementioned "Security" problem.

You mention "Heartland Security", presumably as a subtle jab at us coastal types who already feel unloved. Saw NYC off, let it float out to sea, problem solved, thanks.

Leaving us with:

Civilian Defense - bit awkward - don't we defend cops and firefighters, too?

Dept. of Civilian Defense? I'm leaning this way. Get together with the Center for Disease Control, DCD meets CDC, maybe hire a rock band, AC/DC,...

But hey, why am I bothering you with this, this is why I started a blog.

Have a nice weekend.


The MinuteMan [Oh, I told him, but humor me.]

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