Just One Minute
Balanced Fare: We Report, You Deride

Tuesday, October 01, 2002

October Baseball

The baseball playoffs are underway, and it is time for some predictions.

First, we should review the scouting reports. Having done so, I can say this flatly - The MinuteMan simply does not have the stamina or the mental toughness required to spectate at this level. He will make mental mistakes, such as flooping down in front of the tube after dinner, only to learn that he has missed an afternoon game. He will make physical errors, such as clicking over to "Buffy, the Vampire-Slayer" during a beak in the action. Fifteen minutes later, when Significant Action is occurring in the game, he will still be looking for the remote and studying Ms. Gellar's significant action. The MinuteMan will fail to follow double switches, and lose track of how many lefties and righties are available in the bullpen. Most damaging of all however, is a conclusion we simply cannot escape - he is a quitter! If a game looks like a rout, he will go to bed rather than sit through endless pitching changes and beer commercials. No, people, when it comes to post-season play, this guy has earned his nickname - Mr. August.

And what about the teams? Beats me. But I will say this: I will not live to see another playoff and World Series as emotionally fraught and exciting as in 2001. Or, put differently, if we see the defensive plays such as Jeter made against Oakland, or the ninth innning home runs against Arizona, the excitment will cause my heart to fail.

Last guess: The Yankees beat Anaheim, Oakland, and Atlanta to win it all. And I'll close with a bit of a soundbite from the Yankee General Manager, speaking on SportsRadio WFAN: "People say that the Yankee payroll is so high. But our guys are playing seven months each season and the other teams only play six. Adjust for that, and we are not out of line."

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