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Balanced Fare: We Report, You Deride

Thursday, May 22, 2003

We Live, And Review, The Matrix Reloaded

Sometimes, when the morning coffee and the glazed doughnuts collide with the residue of the previous evening's beer, the results are... well, see for yourself.

A friend called, hoping to chat with my wife, and got stuck with me instead. No idle chit-chat allowed! Names are changed to confound the guilty, and we are dispensing with boring punctuation.

Sally: We saw the Matrix last night. Have you seen it?

MinuteMan: I do not need to see it, I am living it. In fact, I may be the One.

You're Neo?

Neo, One, I have a theory about that.

I'm listening.

Well, "One" is an anagram of "Neo". People think that "Neo" means "new", but the movie is much more complex than that. It operates on many levels.

You don't say.

It's like peeling an onion, although you probably didn't cry when you watched the movie.

I might cry right now. Can we get back to your being the One?

Sure, I was in the kitchen with [my wife]. She had arranged a tray of pastries for a church coffee. Anyway, she showed them to me, and said "Be sure to take these to church, I'm going to put them right here". Then she put them down on the kitchen counter, but she sort of missed and they fell to the floor. Well, they would have, but I had my moment of "Oneness".

Your moment of Oneness?

Yes, it was like time stopped. With a display of quickness that surprised even me, I reached out, caught the tray, and saved the pastries. It was as if they stopped in mid-air, just like those bullets.

Uhh, pastries aren't bullets.

C'mon, pastries can kill too. Have you seen the stats on obesity?

Are you obsessing about your diet again?

It's not a diet, I'm just cutting back, thanks for noticing. The ounces are melting away. But tell me how you and Jim loved the film.

It was great, but I was disappointed that Tank was not in it.


One of the characters, Tank.

Oh I read about that, I know what happened.

Go ahead.

His agent had no idea how big this role would be, and turned down a spot in the sequel.

Turned it down?

Yes, they said "Do you want a role for your client in the sequel, and he said "No, Tanks".

Hmm, does your "Oneness" extend to having a sense of humor?

My Unity is highly variable and unpredictable.

Anyway, Tank was replaced in the new movie by "Link".

Ahh, that is deeply significant.

I'm afraid to ask why.

Well, the obvious connection to "link" is, well, connection, or bond. But "Link" is also an anagram for "Kiln", which symbolizes the the intense heat, the purifying flames, the final finishing.

The final finishing?

It's different from intermediate finishings, but I can't explain how. The other key point is that "Tank", who is out, is an anagram for "Kant", the great philosopher. What is reality, what is man, who are we, who am I? All those pronouns have gone missing because of Kant.

The pronouns are missing?

What do they mean? But Kant is gone! The time for philosophizing is over! The purification has begun! The final finishing is at hand!

What's weird is, that is not totally ridiculous.

It comes from being the One.

I'm glad you explained that to me.

I will now explain the Bush tax proposal.

You're breaking up.

Hey, you're not even calling from a cell phone! It all hinges on the step up of tax basis with retained earnings.

You're breaking up....

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